this is motherhood


peeing on the side of the road.
this is motherhood. 

yesterday, my dad told me that i needed to write a post on this sad and neglected blog. and as my only reader, i felt i owed him something. anything. so, here it is. a recap of things i have learned slash observed in the almost six months i haven't written a damn thing:

1. motherhood has murdered my brain and, along with it, any ability to focus for more than thirty four seconds at a time. i'm truly sorry to anyone i've had conversations with over the last six months. i promise i was trying to listen. i. just. can't.

2. three year olds are diabolically insane. luckily, they're equal parts funny, silly, witty, cheeky, and undeniably cute.

3. if anyone would've told me that pregnancy can reek havoc on your body for months and months and months after no longer actually being pregnant, i probably would've thought a little harder about doing the thing. twice. (and don't make me preface this by saying it's totally worth it, blah, blah, blah because, yes, obviously. it's also just really fucking hard to get your body and sense and hormones back to a respectable place.)

4. who the fuck has time to read an actual book with two kids? please, show me your ways, superheroes.

5. i have a serious case of wanderlust right now. i even want to travel WITH the kids. i think i'm just so sick of the city that i'd willingly subject myself to an eight hour plane ride with two children and bad food just to escape it.

6. i took mo to a pumpkin patch on sunday where it SNOWED and the verdict is in: i still absolutely despise it. snow can suck it.

7. a stranger asked me the other day about the state of my uterus and whether it will be growing any more humans. why is the state of my reproductive system the business of ANYONE other than me, my husband, and obgyn? since when did commenting on these matters become commonplace? or have people just become giant oblivious assholes? common sense ain't common, folks.

8. edie is almost six months old and she's quite possibly the sweetest baby alive. we're all obsessed with her. even mo now that she doesn't hate her. just kidding, she never hated her. she just didn't really care for her presence in our lives very much for the first two months. now she just loves her a little too aggressively. could be worse, i guess.

9. i asked mo if she wanted to be a doctor for halloween. nope. a teacher? an owl? olaf? a dog? a garden gnome? no, no, no, no, and no. she wants to be... wait for it... elsa. again. we, begrudgingly, compromised and settled on merida from brave- a princess who actually saves her own day and her mother's life- only because i may have mentioned that she could also have the bow and arrow. bribing your kid with a weapon to not be a princess? she bargains hard. also, mother. of. the. year.

10. i am so tired. i'm so tired that i'm tired of being tired. blinking is like taking a tiny nap and, yet, when i open my eyes, i'm more tired than before i fell asleep. at this point, coffee doesn't even do anything for me other than raise my heart rate and a single glass of wine is like forty seven ambien. so, to the woman who asked me if i'm going to do this again? the answer is NO. it is a big, big, huge, fat, fucking NO.


VelmaRose said...

To be fair... I am another fan of your blog. I just have kept silent the last couple years or however long I've been reading (Marlo wasn't even walking yet). Being a mother of one (mine's a 4-year-old boy) and an aspiring writer, your blog helps encourage me that a) I'm not alone in how motherhood both kills and enlightens you; b) there's someone else out there that hates New York and its snow as much as I do (I'm in the Finger Lakes); and c) The wit in your blogs. 'Nuff said.

I'll keep this short, but simply wanted to say thanks and to keep it up. If I can get myself to start blogging again, I'll send you my URL so you can be my silent stalker in return if you want, ha ha. Oh, and sorry for not having left comments sooner. There have been times I've wanted to, but would forget to (or would be too wordy to do it), but didn't want to seem like some weird stranger lady trying to give advice, or commiserate, or anything like that.

Thanks again!

Unknown said...

I'm a fan! This is fantastic, it made my day.

acoldcupofcoffee said...

Mama - my hormones are still totally fucked after having three kids, and my youngest will be 4 in February. I'm not telling you this to scare you, I'm telling you this to remind you that when you're having a rough day, just imagine me - crying over the fact that we have no cream for coffee, or that the sink is full only 3 hours after washing 7,593 dishes, or that it's windy outside. I mean, I'm just wrecked. But, yeah, totally worth it 😜


© the things i want to remember All rights reserved . Design by Blog Milk Powered by Blogger