just because i've done this before doesn't make it any easier. it's actually harder due to the result of the first time. yeah, i'm looking at you, marlo mclean.
i've already felt some little flutters going on in there and, just like with marlo, i initially assumed it was gas.
the first trimester- quite simply- really sucked. i'm struggling with severe anemia and it's a real pain in the ass. literally and figuratively speaking. i fear pooping on a daily basis more than i fear labor and labor was the opposite of fun so that's telling you something. iron supplements are no joke, y'all.
i read this article almost every day. it makes me laugh, cry, and brings me a lot of reassurance when i'm doubting my ability to mother two babies the same way i'm able to mother one.
we do have names picked out for both a boy or a girl.
i often forget that i'm pregnant. but suddenly i'll have an epic hot flash or get knocked over by a wave of nausea or a headache that lasts for. fucking. ever. and be pulled right back to the present. nature is kind like that.
currently, i'm only craving four foods: green juice, salt and vinegar chips, bacon, fried egg, & tomato on sourdough, and smoked oysters from a can. sweets need no longer apply.
i take a lot of naps. naps are my favorite.
i have a lot of sex dreams while pregnant. thanks, hormones. i owe you one.
i'm not a laid back person by nature but pregnancy does something magical to me. it's like i'm stoned and it's definitely a nice change of pace. now, to say that i'm laid back is absolutely not to say that i'm less emotional. because that would be a lie. i cry a lot. probably as often as i nap.
lastly, i've consciously chosen a very hands-off approach to this pregnancy. when i gave birth to marlo, i didn't trust my body and believed that my doctor knew best. turns out, he didn't know best and i suffered tremendously because of it and i was left traumatized by it. now? i prefer to let my body do its' thing. i ask my midwife to only tell me what i truly need to know and i don't look on the internet for answers to any of my questions. (luckily, i don't have too many questions this time around.) i trust that my body knows what it needs to do to grow a healthy baby and deliver that healthy baby into my awaiting arms. it's a level of physiological and emotional confidence i so deeply wish i possessed three years ago.
fourteen weeks down, only two hundred twenty seven to go.