brooklyn, we go hard

31.7.14

all photos c/o marcia via notsomumsy.com
marcia, the smokin' hot aussie mama behind not so mumsy, shot modine, rio, and her son archie in a brooklyn-mini-hipster-inspired feature before they left to travel back home to sydney after spending summer in the city. 

it's ridiculously cute. too much cute, really. 

those kids have far too much attitude for their own good. i mean. marlo and that leg pop? just stop it modine. 

you can see the shoot here.

real life | thoughts on suppositories and asshole pediatricians

29.7.14

a disclaimer: i'm aware that no one cares about my child's bowel movements to the degree that i do. so, if you aren't a parent, you won't understand why i find it okay to talk about poop so openly. if poop makes you uncomfortable, you should stop reading. but if you're brave enough or simply want to wallow along in my self-pity and read a small snippet in the tales of toddler constipation, by all means... just don't say that i didn't adequately warn you.  
i took this picture at the zoo yesterday. it was one of the few happier moments i've been able to capture out of the shit hole that has been the last almost-three-weeks.

if i were to post a picture of our current reality, you wouldn't see this version of marlo.

instead, you'd see pictures of me force-feeding my daughter mirolax, prune juice, coconut oil, and probiotics. you'd see a picture of joe trying to hold marlo down while i try to shove a useless suppository up my daughters' ass and, afterwards, us (marlo and me) inconsolably sobbing out of trauma-slash-pain and trauma-slash-frustration-slash-helplessness, respectively.

because constipation is no joke.

constipation is borderline torture to all parties involved. seeing your kid in pain day after day and not be able to do anything about it is the worst feeling in the world. you can't kiss intestines and bowels and make them better. i mean, and even if you could, i doubt that anybody would want to. scraped knees? yes. a toddler's butt hole? no.

and then, today, to be on the phone with the pediatrician for the third time in as many days and listen to her tell you that you "need to step it up and just be the mommy" and "just give her the enema already even though it's hard" is... well... it's really fucking insensitive and cruel.

i kid you not. she, a pediatrician and a mother, actually said that to me as i was on the phone with her, begging for advice, begging for some sort of help, all while sobbing embarrassingly due to the helplessness i'm experiencing because my toddler is screaming and writhing in pain and i am incapable of fixing it, of making her better.


be the mommy, you say? i can't believe i'd never thought of that. surely that's not why i'm calling you, concerned about the lack of poop coming out of my toddler. thank you kindly for your support and for the advice that isn't working WHICH IS WHY I'M CALLING YOU YET AGAIN. fuckyouverymuch.


add find a new pediatrician to my very long list of things to-do right after i get my kid back on a normal shitting schedule.


also, do you know how hard it is to give your toddler a suppository? marlo doesn't even let me trim her toenails without an epic fight. and, yes, i do mean fight. she gets positively violent when i'm anywhere near those piggies. it's only natural that she give me absolute total hell when i'm near her bottom. not that i blame her. i'd throw a few punches too if anyone tried to stick something up there unwanted and by surprise.

you know? 

you know.


so. all of this just to say that this has been my life for the past eighteen days.


i really just want my girl to poop.



the 52 project | 30

26.7.14

"a picture of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."
i was trying to get ready on wednesday afternoon when she marched into the bathroom, grabbed my hand, and said, "come 'ere, mama! come 'ere!" i followed her into the living room where she climbed into the basket that once held our blankets and asked, "'round and 'round? peezeeeee, mama?!"

being on time is overrated, anyway.

in my kitchen | sea salt chocolate pot de creme

21.7.14

we had friends in town saturday night and i wanted to finish the meal with something sweet and impressive. admittedly, i'm a really horrible baker so i decided to go with an old childhood favorite that i knew everyone would love.
enter my sea salt bittersweet chocolate pot de creme with fresh whipped cream. 

i promise that you will never regret trying this recipe. except maybe when you can't stop eating it. luckily it's so incredibly rich that i couldn't eat more than one serving. well, i could have if i'd been forced to but i wanted to save the left-overs for breakfast the next day. 
pot de creme is essentially just chocolate pudding with a heaping tablespoon of pretentiousness added in for good measure.

not low-calorie. not low in sugar. not low in fat.

but it's damn good.

so there's that.
sea salt chocolate pot de creme
(serves 6)

what:

the pudding:
12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
1.5 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
6 large egg yolks
4 tbsp granulated sugar
1.5 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp espresso or strong coffee
1/4 tsp cinnamon
pinch of maldon sea salt

the whipped cream:
1 cup cold heavy whipping cream
2 tbsp confectioners sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
 how:
in a medium sauce pan over medium-low heat, combine the sugar, milk, cream, egg yolks, espresso, and vanilla. whisk continuously for about five or six minutes to ensure that you don't scramble the yolks. when it begins to really thicken, switch to a wooden spoon. add the cinnamon. when it's thick enough to coat the back of the spoon, turn off the heat. 
pour the chocolate chunks into a large mixing bowl. place a metal sieve on top of the bowl. slowly, pour the cream mixture through the strainer and over the chocolate. (the strainer ensures that no cooked egg ruins your pudding. scrambled chocolate eggs... gross.) stir the cream and chocolate until the chocolate is completely melted into the cream. it should look shiny but it will also not look completely smooth. but don't worry. when it chills and sets, it will become velvety and flawless. promise!
next, using a ladle or liquid measuring cup, ration the pudding into individual mugs or mason jars- i used paper cups because i'm fancy like that- and allow to cool for about ten minutes. every couple of minutes lightly tap the bottom of the cup or mug against the counter to make any air bubbles rise to the top of the pudding. 

place them in the fridge for four to six hours or even overnight until the pot de cremes are completely set. the finished product should be dense, firm, yet still pillowy. you should be able to turn the mug upside down without it falling out. ps. don't try this until it's chilled for at least a few hours.

before serving, whisk the remaining cold heavy cream in a chilled bowl until firm peaks have formed. add the vanilla and powdered sugar until combined but don't over-beat the cream or you'll have butter. also, the cream has to be cold. you won't get anywhere with warm creams. also, yuck. 
sprinkle the top of the puddings with a little bit of flaky maldon sea salt and dollop on some whipped cream. 

now, enjoy. 


this post was originally featured on my monthly collaboration with littleboogaweezin, in the kitchen with mama + mo. you can see it here.

in my kitchen | green goddess mayo

20.7.14

we had friends in town on saturday night and i made pork and chorizo burgers. instead of slathering plain ol' mayo on the buns and risking the chance of seeming impossibly boring, i made a green goddess 'mayo' instead. luckily, i had a ton left over to use as a dip to entice mo to eat her veggies. 

so, so very good. 
Green Goddess Mayo
(makes about two cups)

oh! and guess what?! 
this 'mayo' is vegan and substantially healthier for you than regular mayo.
well played, c, well played. 

what:

one avocado

handful of cilantro
handful of basil
three or four scallions
one small shallot
juice of one large lemon
juice of one lime
1/2 can diced green chiles 
one garlic clove
1/4-1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

how:
place everything, minus the EVOO, into a food processor or blender with a pour opening. pulse until fairly combined. slowly add in the EVOO until emulsified and your desired texture is achieved. *more EVOO for a dressing-like viscosity, less for more of a dip. 

use it on everything!

five things | i never want to forget

18.7.14

1. i never want to forget the moment you snatched a pair of sample frames off of the table and quickly placed them on the brim of your nose and announced to me, "i's mama! i's mama, mama!!" and then you laughed hysterically at your own humor. man, two is just so, so damn good.

2. i never want to forget wednesday morning on the A train. it was the best people-watching i've been privileged to witness in a while. i'm talking passing the 72nd street station and glancing out the window only to see a homeless man peeing straight onto the tracks in full-view of everyone. i mean, i saw his penis. and it was scary. you know what? i'd actually like to forget that part of it.

3. i never want to forget the way that marlo cocks her head, like a spaniel, when she asks for a cookie.  first to the left for the initial request and then to the right as she makes it less of a request and more of a demand. when i repeat her question to her, i get an overly-enthusiastic nod. we won't discuss what happens when i say no... that isn't even remotely cute. can't say that i blame her, though. i mean, who doesn't love cookies.

4. i never want to forget the amount of time i spend thinking about marlo's pooping habits. i find it so comical that this is what my life has come to- focusing more on a toddlers' bowel movements than i do on myself.

5. i never want to forget that moment when i walked in on mo and her little toddler boyfriend, xavier, laying on his bed and spooning. half very cute, half absolutely terrifying. here's to puberty and adolescence!
 

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