the sling diaries, vol. iv: everything shines | dreams

 "you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one.
i hope someday you'll join us
and the world will be as one."
-john lennon

my confession: i never dreamed of having children. i was never quite sure that i was cut out to be a mother. i dreamed of traveling and having some big important job. i dreamed of a glamorous life and non-stop adventure. i didn't dream of postpartum depression or blow-out diapers. i didn't dream of co-sleeping or baby wearing. i dreamed of spontaneity and experience. i never dreamed of worrying so much about someone so small. i never dreamed of love hurting. i dreamed of enjoying my life so much that everything else would seem unnecessary by comparison.

i dreamed of having it all.

and i do.

all of my dreams came true.

i have traveled and moved to an amazing city with my husband and daughter.

mothers are the most important people who have ever lived and motherhood is my job. i have the most important job.

motherhood is my unending and beautiful adventure. twists, turns, flips, and flops included.

i didn't dream of postpartum mental illness but overcoming it and discovering how capable i am of resilience is something i wouldn't trade for all of the glamour in the world.

i didn't dream of co-sleeping or baby wearing but they fulfill an intimacy that nothing else ever can. i have never felt more attached to a person than when i am wearing my daughter or when she slept beside me as an infant, latched onto me, nursing throughout the long dark night.

i didn't dream of a love that hurt but the love which i experience with my daughter is one so great that nothing else will ever compare to it. it's an all-consuming love and it does hurt. one day, i will have to let her go. one day, i will have to watch her heart brake. one day, i will have to dry her tears because someone was unkind to her. the thought is gut wrenching.

i dreamed of enjoying my life so much that i'd need nothing else to fulfill it. marlo completed my life so intrinsically that i don't remember what life was like before her.


i may have had a lot of dreams for my life, but they will never compare to my reality of motherhood and my life here in new york.



*for six months, i will be writing about my baby wearing adventures with sakura bloom. i'm wearing the simple silk sling in midnight. follow along with the sling diaries here. and a big thank you to our friend, tucker, for taking our photos. xx.