ten months

so i think it's safe to say that we were pregnant.
for the record, i knew before any test was taken.
i took these for proof.

from the day we found out we were pregnant,
to the very end. i absolutely
loved being so large and in charge.

there's so much to say about pregnancy. some women love it, while others absolutely hate it and struggle through their entire pregnancy. some are jolly super-humans, while others could sleep fourteen hours a day and still be exhausted. and then there are a lot of women who are a combination of both. i was one of the latter. i had an overall great pregnancy with intermittent days (or weeks, rather) that i wish i could forget.

i loved the entire concept of being pregnant, it was such a romantic notion: i was carrying, growing, and protecting this little being, my- technically, ours- little being, inside of me. it was the most amazing thing that i had and have ever done in my life. the idea that my body was built to house a life inside of it and subsequently knew what to do? that just blew my mind. i also felt very special while i was pregnant. not because people treated me differently or anything like that (although people were more likely to hold doors open for the wide load coming in or give up their seat in a waiting room); i felt special because i was doing something that mattered on a level that i had never felt before. i took becoming a mother very seriously. i still do. it's a pretty important role.

physically, i loved my new body. so did joe. man, that guy loved him some pregnant-me.  i was curvier and had these awesome boobs, which were an unexplored territory for me. i mean, who doesn't love a nice rack? i sure did. rather, i liked having them. i miss them quite a bit now they are no more. i was also much nicer pregnant. joe can and will vouch for that, minus the few hormonal meltdowns over silly things like decorating the nursery or a baking experiment gone totally wrong. i was jolly and happy and very aware of what mattered. pregnancy and impending motherhood put so many things in perspective for me and i just didn't have the time of day to stress over unimportant things. it was glorious. (in hindsight, it was probably just giving me some reprieve for all of the anxiety i was going to experience as a new mother.)

and then there were the bad days. like the morning that i threw up in an aisle at target while looking for christmas decorations for my boss, with nausea hitting me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. only slightly embarrassing. there were the months- as in ten- of absolutely zero sleep, the migraine headaches, the two hospital visits for a stomach virus that caused me to lose fifteen pounds in my last trimester. and strangest of all, there was my odd newfound obsession with blake griffin from the los angeles clippers. embarrassingly enough, i had very inappropriate dreams about him and those hysterical kia commercials.

exactly one year ago, i was in my 41st week of pregnancy and i was quite tired of being pregnant. even women who have the best pregnancies are happy to have their bodies back. plus, i was convinced that marlo was either going to break my sternum or puncture my kidneys and bladder at any given moment.

at the time, i hadn't realized that pregnancy and her impending arrival was teaching me something very important: patience. i never had it before i became a mother and i still struggle with it now. life doesn't always go as you plan, your time-table isn't always kept on schedule. but when you sit back and let life take its' course, beautiful and life-changing things can happen. i guess you could say that my pregnancy set the tone for the next year of our lives and we've been embracing change and life as it's been given to us ever since.

and it's been absolutely wonderful.


ps. this post is dedicated to my friend, april, who is in her very last week of pregnancy and has quite the stubborn little babe in her belly. hang in there, apes. we love you and can't wait to meet your sweet boy.