to twenty thirteen


a small moment captured this morning at six am thanks to
teething and going to bed at five-thirty the night before.
i always do resolutions but, like everyone else, i rarely stick to them. there was the no meat thing (my love affair with bacon put a kabosh that), the no sugar thing (damn cupcake[s]), and countless other things i've said i'd do but, admittedly, my lack of self-control prohibited any success. i pick my battles... blah, blah, fucking blah.

this year, my only resolution is to live more thankfully and with more intention- particularly with the little. there are days when i feel like my head is literally about to Linda Blair-spin off and i put her down to sleep and realize that i've lived right through the day and have not once been thankful for it.

throughout the year, i've had some intense reminders of just how lucky i am to have a child who- pardon the morbidity- is alive. shamefully, it has taken some of those heartbreaking situations to bring me back, to make me take a breath, and be thankful for the fact that my baby is completely safe and in my arms. i find that embarrassing and unacceptable.

i want to live in those tiny moments that always seem to get lost in the routine of the day. i want to live for the little things, not the new top or pair of pants that i just have to have or really, really need. i want to be grateful for the times that are tough and frustrating because they are, nonetheless, moments in times that i can't get back. i want to be appreciative without needing a reminder of just how lucky i am to have what i have. i want to be present and hopeful while still being respectful of my past and proud of how far i've come. i want to feel good about how i live my life and how i treat the people who are in it. i want to live a life that i'm proud to share with and sets an example for marlo, not one that needs censoring.

here's to twenty-thirteen...



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