new york, week one.


new york is on another level when it comes to city living. parts of it are amazing, like being able to justify your annoyance at slow moving walkers (ugh, tourists) and just about anything else that gets in the line of fire that day. another highlight is the fact that you can get anything you want, anytime you want it, delivered. i'll take gluttony and laziness for 1000, please, alex. oh, and can we just talk about what my buns are going to look like come summertime? like steel, i tell you, steel.

but there are things that no how to live in new york and not stick out like a slow-moving southern transplanted tourist book can prepare you for. like the smell of street meat, which makes you completely disregard your views on everything being organic and USDA certified. i don't give a shit where that meat comes from, i'll take two.

also, seeing a dog take a shit on the sidewalk for the first time totally unnerved me. poor lassie. it just seemed so unnatural. not to mention, the dog had a coat and little boots on. and then, the owner didn't pick up the poop. the horror! in charlotte, i'd chase after the disgraceful excuse for a human being with one of marlo's diaper trash bags, waving my arms and swearing at them like a complete lunatic until they cower and pick up the poop. here, the person would run back after me and throw the poop in my face. so i do the brave thing and say nothing and just gag and vomit in my mouth as i walk past.

to preface what i'm about to tell you, i must state that we live in a really nice building. everyone tells me we're lucky. i have no frame of reference so i just enjoy it and keep my mouth shut when i feel like complaining about something. so last night, when i was awoken by what sounded like someone pressing the buttons repeatedly on the radiator unit, i just threw a pillow over my face and fell back into my sudafed-induced coma. this morning, when i mentioned to joe last night's incident, our conversation went like this:

me: did you hear those noises last night?
joe: what noises?
me: you know, the ones coming from the a/c box thingy.
joe: the radiator?
me: yeah, that.
joe: uh-oh... what if we have what new york is famous for?
me: you think we have a ghost???!!!
joe: really, christy?
me: well, what else could it be?
joe: christy. really? rats. new york is famous for rats.

joe now thinks i'm an idiot who still believes in the tooth fairy and i intend to spend marlo's nap time googling how to catch a rat in a radiator and how to exorcise a ghost.

welcome to new york.


analmond said...

I think you may have an easier time getting rid of a ghost than a rat!

analmond said...
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