heavy shit, y'all


mo said, "mama, let me take your picture because you look pretty. your hair needs a brushing though. and you need some lipstick." you're so sweet, mo. thanksnotsoverymuch. 

there is a reason for it, of course. i'm procrastinating because i'm very overwhelmed. it's my m.o. when shit hits the fan or when a deadline is looming to procrastinate as long as i possibly can because i, apparently, enjoy testing my own limits of senility. i tend to work well under pressure but that doesn't mean i should take pride in being a glutton for punishment. bad habits die hard, amiright?


my skin is breaking out and my stomach is knots. because moving with two kids (one who is teething; one who refuses to entertain herself and maintains the energy of a jack russell terrier who needs his balls snipped) is probably my least favorite thing ever. did you know that this is my eighth move in six years? well, now you do. and i will be very happy to not move again for quite some time. or ever. i'd be happy to move again never.

in the midst of all of these logistical things and packing, mo started crying this morning for seemingly no reason. when i asked her what was wrong, she whispered to me that she was going to miss her friends in DUMBO. i picked all forty one pounds of her up and put her on my lap. i sat on the floor holding her for as long as she let me. when she finally stopped crying, she asked me if she would have friends in charlotte. of course, i told her. i reassured her that just because we're moving away and just because she won't see her friends every day doesn't mean that they won't remain friends.

and then it hit me. i've done a fairly good job of shielding mo from my personal experiences and feelings on this city. which is why i'm probably so exhausted from living here. keeping face is hard but, in this case, it's necessary. i realize that mo has some wonderful memories here- and wonderful friends who love her deeply- and this transition is the first of many in her life where she will have to figure out how to roll with the punches being thrown at her. oh for fuck's sake i really don't like my three year old having to learn such big things so early on in her life. but what can you do? how do you explain that this move, while sad for her, will be such a positive change for her and our family in the long run?

how do you even explain what the long run or the bigger picture is to a toddler? should you even explain that to a toddler? heavy shit, man.

i'm rambling. but this is the probably the crux of my worry and stress... MO. god, she's such a tough, brave cookie but she's also tender, emotional, and sensitive to change. i've got to trust this process and give her the patience she needs to move through it at her own pace.

heavy shit, y'all. very heavy shit.

to go along with the heavy boxes, i suppose.


Renee Lucas said...

We moved when Viktor was 4 months old. Packing up with a baby and a toddler is so hard. One baby was fun in the city but the second we had two, I couldn't wait to leave. I love my memories of having Klaudia in the city but when it was time to go, It couldn't come fast enough. Good luck in Charlotte, life with two is nice and peaceful with more space and family near by.


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