one month in

my sweet edie bee,


four weeks ago i went into labor and had one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

while in labor and especially during particularly intense contractions, i would hold your dads' hand and i would repeat over and over to myself that it was just me and you. me and you. me and you. i repeated it to myself every couple of minutes to remind myself why i was going through that pain when i didn't have to, when i could very easily and quickly get relief. i kept trying to remind myself why i wanted to have a specific kind of birth.


that reason is that i wanted to be able to savor this time with you.


unfortunately, after your sisters' birth, i was miserable and heartbroken. i felt sick and weak and i was devastated that the time i should be soaking up with her and loving her was spent feeling like i was, quite simply, trying to survive. i was ill and ill-equipped to handle it. that period of time wasn't savored; rather, it was a black hole i got sucked into and it took a very long time for me to come out of it.


so, with your birth, i was determined to have an experience worth writing home about and i was ready to do everything i possibly could to have a different outcome. i wanted to know what all of the fuss was about, what that post-birth high felt like.


i wanted to not only have a healthy baby, but i needed to be a healthy mama.



and i got both.



i can't thank you enough for these last four weeks, edie bee. you have completed our family in such a beautiful way and, i kid you not, i feel like the luckiest woman alive. we love you to the moon but so very much further...


mama





ps. i promise you that your sister will stop pinching you sooner rather than later.