the thick of it


my little brooklyn girl. 
today is marlo's last day of the fall semester. just like her first day of school, i find myself feeling incredibly sentimental. and just like every birthday and milestone before it, i declare the day an accomplishment of sorts rather than yet another sign that my baby, who will always be my figurative baby forever and ever and ever, is no longer my literal baby.

these last few months were the part of parenthood that no one warns you about- the days that everyone brushes off as "the thick of it... the days that you'll never get back... blah blah blah." people label it as such things that help them get through the day, to give you hope that it gets better, easier. i would know... i've done it. i've told people such things.

but, truth be told, i don't care to have those days back. they kicked my ass and then some. they made a joke of everything i knew to be true of me as a mother and as a parent. these last few months tested me in ways that made me question why having kids is claimed to so great. marlo wasn't the easiest baby but compared to the last few months of toddler-hell, infancy was a goddamned breeze on the sunniest of days.

but just like with every other accomplishment and milestone, today feels like that light at the end of the tunnel. marlo is finally beginning to understand why we don't hit people and why we don't throw things when we're told no. not only does she understand why we don't do those things, but she also rarely does it.

most importantly, marlo and i are finally feeling like a team instead of opponents. i finally understand why this parenthood thing is claimed to be so damn great.

i didn't believe it for so long. i thought so many people were lying or they had easier babies or lives than i do. (ps. my life is not difficult. i just tend to veer into brat territory on the bad days and enjoy the occasional pity party. we're all guilty of it, i think.) i attributed their verbal convictions to them possibly just being kind. or rather delusional. or they were simply lying to me because they felt that i couldn't handle to truth.

but now? today?

i get it.

it took me over two and a half years to arrive here but i truly get it.

these days- the days that never seem to end quite quickly enough when they're awful and can't last long enough when they're great- are being ranked as some of the best days of my life.

these are the days.

these days are the thick of it.
these days are the marrow of life.
these are the days that count more than any others.
these are the days that leave me so unbelievably fulfilled in ways that i never imagined.


thank you for being patient with me. 
thank you for loving me in the way that you do. 
thank you for opening my eyes day after day to what life is all about. 
thank you for making me laugh even during the toughest of times.
thank you for making me your mama.
thank you for being mine.

you are my favorite person in the entire world.

to the moon but so very much farther...


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