a family photo


me: (to my sister-in-law, aunt shikey) can you snap a photo of us real quick?
aunt shikey: of course. 
joe: but mo is naked...
me: and...? what's your point? here, let's face the sun so we aren't backlit. 
joe: but mo is naked....
me: joe. it's not a big deal. please, get over it. marlo, look at aunt shikey!! 
my sister-in-law: marlo! look at meeee....
marlo: no. 
me: marlo, look at aunt shikey, please!!
marlo: laksnoa ienasinfoa sidfjoaihfa oerfhoaerjfaer lasnoiepnkaldvkafasf. 
me: i have no idea what you just said, mo. 
marlo: no. (shaking her head aggressively.) no.
me: marlo, please?
marlo: no. beeacchhhhh. (pronounced bitch.)
joe: the sun is killing my eyes. why can't we be backlit?
me: joe, you'll survive, i promise. it'll only take a second once marlo looks at the camera. mo! look at aunt shikey for one second, please?
joe: fuck, that hurts my eyes. 
marlo: noooppppe. (more aggressive head shaking.) 
me: the two of y'all are stressing me out. please, get it together.
aunt shikey: (laughing at us.) y'all are ridiculous. marlo, look at me!
me: marlo, stop eating your hair. 
joe: babe, seriously? i'm looking and you're not. my eyes hurt. stop messing with mo. 
me: but that will look gross in the photo if she's just chomping on her hair like a horse. 
joe: who will notice her eating her own hair when her ass is hanging all out? dammit.... my eyes. 
me: whatever. she's cutest when she's naked. look at the camera. 
aunt shikey: oh my god. seriously. you guys. 
me: sorry. okay. we're ready.
in unison: cheeesseeeeeee!
me: did you get it? were we at least all looking and smiling?
aunt shikey: ummm... i think so... maybe? i don't know. probably not. 
marlo: nope. bye-bye? bye-bye!
me: oh, forget it. 


Bees_Circus said...

This made me laugh so hard. Treasure every one of those, they are all hilariously beautiful! Whenever I ask for a picture of us, I get one blurry shot, usually with someone's eyes closed! I secretly love them though!

Unknown said...

this was all too familiar.

Unknown said...

Sounds about right. Been there as well. Glad ya'll had fun.

the communal closet said...

welcome home! such an accurate depiction of the modern family photo shoot!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA. D.Y.I.N.G!!! As a mother, as a photographer, as a wife....SO F'ING TRUE! My favorite "Mo- No. Beeaacchhhh." :)


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