cheers to two years

the day ended with marlo blowing out the candle on a chocolate mocha cupcake from our favorite café and strumming a few less-than-melodic chords on her new ukulele. luckily, she lost interest quickly and moved on to a bath full of too many bubbles. she fought hard but couldn't even make it through one rendition of the itsy bitsy spider before the drool began to make its' way down my shoulder.


lucky me.


i held her for a few moments, soaking up her smell and her weight and the way that she tucks her forehead into the nook of my neck. then, like every single night for the past seven hundred and thirty days, i sang "you are my sunshine" before quietly pulling the door shut behind me as i walked directly into the kitchen to pour a healthy glass of my favorite rosé. most cases, when i make a beeline for a bottle of wine after she's asleep, it's due to one of those exceptionally long days that almost always includes multiple tantrums, food thrown at my face to indicate that the queen is now finished, and a moment where i'm THISCLOSE to locking myself in the bathroom or giving myself one of those lock-it-up-fadel pep talks. this glass of wine was not poured out of necessity or to fuel my mode of survival.


this glass of wine was poured because, quite frankly, i've earned it.



i poured a filled-to-the-brim glass of rosé because i have a two year old.



when i held her for longer than necessary tonight, i wasn't just soaking in her normal smell or holding thirty-seven pounds of normal marlo. i was smelling the mustela-drenched smell of a loving and magical two year old little girl. i was holding thirty-seven pounds of a full-of-life two year old. the forehead that was nuzzling my neck belonged to a loving and sweet two year old.


a two year old. a two year old!



having a two year old means that i have survived two of the most emotionally and physically demanding and arduous years of my life. i've survived two years of moments when i had little faith in myself and the job i was doing as a mother. i've lived through those two years only to come out on the other side with a stronger sense of self, a formidable and more defined purpose for my life, and a clearer vision of what i want my life to be.


i've not only survived two years, but i kicked those two years' asses.




so, yes. i earned the large glass of wine that i chugged sipped like a lady tonight.



i deserved the one that followed, too. (which i'm finishing now as i write this.)