five things | i want marlo to always know

4.15.2014

1. i hope you never feel the need to be anything for approval. i want you to be you. first, foremost, always, and with no conditions. it is my absolute promise to you that i will be the last person you will ever have to prove anything to. in fact, it's my belief that i'm the one with so much to prove; as such, i imagine that i'll spend a great deal of my years trying to prove that i deserve the unconditional love i receive from you day-in and day-out. i've come to the conclusion that the best way for me to prove it is, quite simply, by giving it.

2. i hope you never struggle with body image issues the way that i have. i'm doing all that i can now to ensure that you don't, or at least, won't because of something i did or didn't do. when you look in the mirror, i hope all you see is your undeniable strength, your humor and intelligence, and what your body is capable of accomplishing, instead of whether or not you have a three-finger gap between your thighs. that particular way of measuring ones' worth or labeling people is poisonous and i won't have any part in it. i'm speaking from years and years of experience when i say that it's an unfair way of looking at your body. do i think you're beautiful? good god, yes. i often find myself looking at you and wondering how i had any part in creating something so undeniably perfect. however, i never want you to think that your physical beauty is something to stress over or rely on. with that said, i will teach you how to apply and rock the perfect shade of red lipstick if you should ever so desire; i will stress the importance of a well-fitting pair of jeans and a properly-sized bra; i will place emphasis on drinking a ton of water, sleeping eight hours or more whenever you can, and washing your face every single night before bed. oh. and i will absolutely remind you that you're tragically beautiful if someone ever makes you feel less than.

3. you will never find completeness in the arms of someone else. only you can complete you and you need no one else to help you. if someone comes along to spend your life with, fantastic. but please remember that they are an added bonus, not part of the equation. your identity does not lie within the boundaries of a relationship; it lies within you. not unlike almost everything else that i've come to know as true throughout my life, i, too, discovered this through the most difficult of ways. say no even when you want to say yes. you will never regret saying no, this i can undoubtedly promise.

4. if you feel that someone isn't respecting your boundaries or that they aren't hearing you clearly, you have every right to tell them as much. this applies even if your complaints are with me or your father. i do not believe in the do-as-i-say-not-as-i-do parenting method. rather, i believe in conscious parenting. i will not be a hypocrite or teach you that hypocrisy is blindly accepted just because i'm your mom and i say so. i respect your convictions and always will.

5. when i was largely pregnant with you, your gramps and i were discussing the importance that the role of parent would play in my life. he told me that relationships with spouses or significant others can fail, friendships can end over silly and stupid things, and family members can be horrible assholes to one another; my relationship with you, marlo, and my role as mama is forever. it will long remain a part of my identity even when other roles may no longer be. it is- and should be- number one. it is even more important than the relationship i have with your dad. (luckily, he and i agree on this. i don't expect everyone else to agree with this logic, though.) you are mine- and ours- forever and we will always be a family because of you. but, it is you whom is non-negotiable part. you are also the glue that holds certain pieces of me together. you have given me one thousand and one reasons to be a better human every single day. no relationship has ever given me that before because i could very simply and so easily get away with not caring as much because i didn't have to care as much. if there ever comes a time when you doubt your importance to me or you somehow think that someone else means more to me than you, then i've done something very, very wrong.


you are it, love bug.

to the moon, but so, so much further.

xoxo,
mama

1 comments:

A Southern Lady in London said...

#3 brought a tear to my eye. i wish i had learnt that invaluable lesson early on in life but i just feel lucky to know it now. you are a good momma. xx

 

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