the sling diaries, vol. iv: everything shines | confidence


n. confidence-
the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone of something; firm trust;
the state of feeling certain about the truth of something;
a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
for six months, i'm chronicling my toddler wearing adventures with
sakura bloom's beautiful series: the sling diaries.
i'm wearing the simple linen sling in raven.
recently, i watched this video. naturally, i sobbed like a baby. instinctually, i pictured you- the person whom i'm in charge of protecting and raising- afraid to trust me enough to handle whatever your truth may one day be.

that isn't confidence.

that is cruel heartbreak.

it's also my worst fear. what that showcases is that i haven't been doing my job; it means that i've been half-assing it.
i know that a small part of my role as your mother is to make sure that you are comfortable within your own skin; that part is obvious. particularly as a young female, you have an uphill battle ahead of you with the way in which our society values an unrealistic beauty ideal and i will do all that i can to contribute to you maintaining a healthy relationship with your body. and while reinforcing your self-confidence will always be a priority for me, it's not even remotely close to what i'm most concerned with.

somewhere deep inside of me, a place that only a mother knows, i am convinced with the utmost conviction that my only, truly important job- the one that i find myself so constantly concerned with- is to ensure that not only will you trust yourself implicitly, but, that you will know with certainty that you can always remain confident that i will trust you. 
yes, my job is to teach you to value and gracefully respect others' opinions but never to the extent that you feel the need to do right by those opinions instead of doing right by your own. my job is to remind you of your own path so that may not get so invested in someone else's that your forget about your own. my job is to teach you that your gut instinct is the one that should hold the most weight in your heart, even if it's the opposite of what i'm telling you.

it's my job to respect the confidence you hold within yourself, the confidence i've worked so hard to cultivate within you.

my job is to make sure that you are assertive when you need to be,
bold when it's necessary (always),
and curious of others but never to the extent that you become cynical or assume the worst.
my job is to teach you that there's a time and a place to be self-possessed and there will be many times when you should let someone else bear the weight for you. it's my job to teach you to be courageous enough to take risks because you're confident in your system of support who will always catch you when you may fall.

my most important job is to guarantee that you never doubt if i'm there or if i'll support you; rather, my job is to insure that you're so undoubtedly confident that i am and always will be there and feel like you can take on the world because of it.

culture & dreams

pps. thanks juls for taking these photos
and thanks, rio, for being my favorite photo bomber.


Alicia said...

Such an inspirational message and great reminder. You have a way of putting things right into perspective.

Heidi said...

Well said. Thoughtful and insightful. I adore the mix of gritty sarcasm, tender sentiment and plain truth you express in this blog. More please! :)


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