she is worth it


i often look at my beautiful girl smile and laugh and i know somewhere deep in my bones that she's happy and content, comfortable and feels loved. i watch her gentleness and kindness towards complete strangers and her ability to connect to people and i know that i'm raising the kind of person who will always take the time to hear someone else's story. i watch her inherent curiosity and undying tenacity and though i'm all to aware of how much of this world there is for her to live through, i am equally confident that she will always find a silver lining and land on her feet.

these things i can see in her; i can feel them when she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly after a long day. i know they're true because of who she is every day and who i watch her becoming.  
occasionally, though, those things aren't enough to quiet the fears that i live with daily. what i see in marlo isn't always enough from being reminded how cruel this world can be to someone so open-hearted and how unkind people can be. i fear for her, because as her parent, it's also my job to let her figure out those things for herself. i dread the day that i will attempt to explain why someone hurt her feelings and didn't treat her with the respect that she's been raised with from her dad and me.

will the thousands upon thousands of people whom she'll come into contact in her life be kind to her? will they be gentle with her spirit? will strangers appreciate her genuine affection for life and not take advantage of it? these are the things that i fear as her mama, her friend, and as a fellow woman. i've experienced them and hurt because of them and i never want those things for her.
and, my god, the thought of having to let go one day is painfully numbing. it doesn't seem like the correct order of life to have to let go of the thing that you love most in the world and let them make mistakes and know in advance that they're going to get hurt. but it's part of the job description, isn't it?

and parenthood is, undoubtedly, a job, full of responsibilities that no person in their right mind would take on if they knew beforehand how emotionally draining they would be. but we do. not everyday feels worth it but every day is worth it.

she is worth it.

*all photos taken by lucy when we were in nc. i will cherish them forever.


Jortney said...

Beautifully said. Thank you.


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