in my opinion | life isn't always beautiful


on sunday, when at brunch with the dreamy and lovely meg, we got to talking about how shitty things happen in your life and how... well... shitty it is. without getting all hokey pokey with the details, i said to meg that everything can be beautiful in your life. not beautiful in that 'it's pretty or perfect or wonderful and delivered to you in a beautifully wrapped box' way; rather, beautiful in that it's absolutely necessary, even if you can't see it at that fleeting moment.

and at that very moment it occurred to me that what i was telling meg wasn't some pinterest quote that gets passed around to every hundredth woman going through a break-up or make-up. what i told meg was a lesson learned the hard way. life hasn't always been roses and sunny days filled with laughter, bacon, and lattes. quite the opposite. in hindsight, the past year and a half or so dealt me a shit hand of cards. i won't cry a river or strum my violin because the truth of the matter is that i don't regret or wish anything different about a solitary moment of it. every thing that has happened has been beautiful. and necessary. while not everything was beautiful in the fleeting moment that it was happening, every moment had a purpose and a lesson to be taught. purpose makes things necessary and therefore beautiful. it's basic deductive reasoning.

truthfully, i've learned more about myself through being dealt that shit hand of cards than i ever have in the twenty-six years prior. i've been fortunate enough to learn about grace and humility. i've learned when to ask for help, when to buck up, and when to throw in the towel. i've learned that love is always worth fighting and working for. i've learned that bad things happen to good people because that's life and life sucks sometimes. i've learned that i'm physically and emotionally much stronger than i've ever given myself credit for. i've learned that material things aren't as important as i once thought, even though i still love a good pair of shoes. i've learned to pick my battles and when to let things roll off of my back. i've learned that i can live without cheese. i've learned that i've been taking my health for granted. i've learned that family is the most valuable thing in your life. i've learned that motherhood isn't just about taking care of marlo, it's about taking care of myself. i've learned that crying is a sign of strength, not weakness. i've learned that i prefer rainy days because once the sun does finally shine, it always seems brighter than it did before the clouds.

you know that quote, "happy people don't have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything?" maybe there's something to it. much to my surprise, i think i'm becoming one of those people. i'm not saying that i'm happy every day because i'm not. and wouldn't that be annoying? i am still this sarcastic, dry, and retrospective person who curses and laughs at fart jokes. i've learned to embrace it- if i don't, who else will? but i'm starting to believe that it may be possible to be both- to be one of those people who is happy even when things are grim but also to still sulk in the dark, to embrace those learning curves.

maybe i'm happy because i've not only lived through the dark, but also found beauty where most wouldn't want to even look for it.

and i think that's a pretty wonderful way to be.


Anonymous said...

Right on, lady. Right frickin' on.


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