home

marlo and i have been in charlotte for almost a week now and over the course of the past few days, it's truly hit me that the city that i have known for almost my entire life is no longer what it once was.

it's no longer home.

i've been lucky enough to see some of the people that i miss and crave the company of on a daily basis- the people that make me feel most like myself- while we've been here. we've spent time with family, great friends, and were even able to rub a pregnant belly. (good god, i love a pregnant belly!) marlo has been able to see her aunt and cousins, her mimi and pop, her woo woo and gramps, her tayta, and even met some people that one day i'll get to tell her such wonderful stories about. 

when i was forced to hug, kiss, and say goodbye to some of those people, it physically hurt me. i cried in the car leaving their homes and various restaurants and bars. i could cry now thinking about leaving my parents and in-laws again tomorrow. that lump in my throat has been there for a few days. i think it actually appeared the moment we stepped off of the plane.

but i also miss new york city. i miss the noise from the streets and the general busy-ness and energy that the city constantly projects through my veins. i miss my husband terribly and need a hug from him so badly. marlo misses her dada tremendously. we are both craving our routine and need to be in our own bed and crib. we miss our daily walks through busy parks. and, dear lord, we hate being in a car. it's now our least favorite thing, absolute torture.

this beautiful, clean, warm, southern, very hospitable, and comfortable city is no longer our home. our little apartment, way up on the fourteenth floor of an old building by the east river in manhattan is now our home. new york is where we currently belong. this realization brings with it a twinge of pain. 

it's hard to let go, isn't it? so hard to let go of what once was and move on to other things. but new york has been good to us so far. there is a lot of life and experience to look forward to for me and my little family. and i now know that it's about damn time we start embracing them. 

you've been kind to us, charlotte. but it's time to get home.