A Reminder

Years after a person passes away, little things will remind you of them. Old Spice, watching the Master's, scrambled eggs, scotch. All of these things bring me a sense of warmth and fill that space that always remains. It's a hole and some days it's bigger than others. These little remnants of him and a life well lived are wonderful as they come and go, as to not make me constantly sad. I always miss him but lately, I have missed him more than ever.

I don't want to brag or anything but I was his favorite. (Sorry, cousins.) And to me, he did no wrong. His marriage with my grandmother is one that I can only hope my marriage can aspire to be like. Even after forty years, they still kissed hello when he came in the door and he knew who ran the house. He was Andy Griffith incarnate. He only spoke when he had something to say and because of it, you always listened intently. He was as easy to be around as anyone I've ever known. And when the time came, he was graceful in his fight.

He was my absolute favorite person. Ever.

All of those reasons are why we named Marlo after him. McLean (her middle name) was his middle name. I would give anything for him to meet her, for him to be able to see me as a mother. I would give anything for him to hold her on the beach like he held me. She is now my constant reminder of the man that I loved so very much.

Some days the little reminders are exactly what I need. Other days, my one very large reminder sometimes hurts. I don't think the pain ever fully goes away and maybe it shouldn't? Maybe the pain is there so you never forget the love. So today, I'll hug M a little tighter and hope that he can feel my hug, too.