Shameful Behavior


For those of you that have been pregnant, you probably remember that moment where you would try almost anything to get that little biscuit fully cooked and outta the oven. No? That just me? Well, today I resorted to an all-time low.

I woke up with the agenda of purchasing a mini trampoline or a horse; however, it quickly occurred to me that maybe what Marlo needed was some good old-fashioned motivation. It hit me that Marlo has had it way too easy. All the lobster tails, buttery risottos, bacon and cheese-laden omelets, and seared filets have her a little too comfortable. She's cozy, fat, and happy in there. Smart and opportunistic, that one.

So this all time low? Well, I decided to try piss her off. So, I used my friend's new baby who was born just two weeks ago as a tactical maneuver to illicit jealousy in my baby girl. I held that sweet little nugget and sat him right on top of the belly that I've been following around, like, "yeah, Marlo, in yo' face. Two can play this game." For good measure, I made sure to rub that sweet, delicious baby smell all over me. Like marking one's territory.

So, Marlo, I'm sorry to have to resort to such drastic measures but, seriously, you asked for it. I'm officially calling your bluff. Show me what you got.

PS. I really just want to meet you. Love, mama.

PSS. I haven't ruled out the horse. Don't test me.



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