Great Expectations


That moment. 
I thought that after two weeks, I'd have the words to describe my feelings about the past two weeks and this little girl who I get to call mine. But I don't think I do. More importantly, I don't feel like my words will do what I feel justice.

I will say that it's everything that I expected and everything that I didn't.

I cry a lot- mostly happy tears. Although, I'll admit that tears occasionally fall because I worry that I'm doing something wrong. They also stream down my face for no reason at all. I blame hormones. I have to constantly remind myself that Marlo and I are both learning how to do this. We're in this together and have an amazing support system. **side note: joe, you're everything.

I thought that after pregnancy I would have more ownership of my body. I don't. I'm essentially a pair of udders and little lady knows how to grub. I didn't think that my appetite would be bigger now than when I was pregnant. Also, I truly didn't think that my boobs would get so enormous. They. Are. Out. Of. Control.

I thought that I'd get used to waking up to her beside me, holding her close, and comforting her when she's upset. I'm already learning what works for her and what doesn't and feel proud of myself when I can soothe her. However, every day feels new. Every day feels like a new step or a new learning experience. Every day is an opportunity to soak up this new love.

Speaking of love, I knew that I'd love her. But I wasn't prepared for just how much. This week, it's hit me just how much weight is behind the word mama. It's the biggest job I'll ever have and I can only hope that I don't suck at it and fail miserably. I feel a level of pride within that I've never felt before. This little person, the one with the dark hair and who everyone says is my twin, gave me a new role, a new title, and a new purpose. I'll never be able to thank her- or her dad- enough.



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