The End


I'm at the end of my pregnancy. The very E.N.D.

Naturally, there are a lot of things that I'm going to miss about being pregnant. For example, I'm going to miss feeling large and in charge. Did you know that my bump is passive-aggressive? If I'm in a crowded place, my belly will stare you down until you give up your seat or make room for its owner. Joe and I are out to dinner? My belly will demand the last bite of his meal and the decision-making power of what to order for dessert. A pregnant belly gives you a power unlike almost anything else and it relishes in that power. You do not say no to the bump. Joe has learned this lesson the hard way. The thought of going back to being equals is borderline unbearable. Kidding. Sort of.

I'm also going to miss feeling so jolly, like Buddha or Santa Clause, complete with the shaking belly. I have had some of the best laughs of my life over the last  38 weeks- all typically at my own expense. Pregnancy is humbling and empowering in a way that my words can't explain properly. Being able to laugh at yourself because you just peed your pants or the fart that you thought was going to be silent was anything but in a room full of people gives you an unearthly level of confidence. And when you feel that good about yourself, what in the hell is there to be unhappy about? There is no shame in my pregnant game. And why should there be? I'm growing and about to birth a human being. Go me.

But, there are also times where I can not wait to no longer be pregnant. This shit is hard. Add two hospitalizations into the mix within two weeks and you'll get over pregnancy real quick like.

At the top of the Thank-God-It's-Finally-Over List? Being able to tie my own shoes. Not waddling. Not relying on spandex as a wardrobe staple. Marlo's hiccups that make my belly pulse every twelve seconds for an hour at two in the morning. Rib kicks where I seriously think she broke something. The insanely small bladder that she likes to dance on. Peeing myself. The awkwardness that basically is anything to do with my body. The amount of time it takes to get comfortable in bed. The inadequate amount of sexy time in my life. Sushi, oysters, wine. Heartburn, oh the freaking heartburn.

And to be quite honest with you, I'm just really excited to meet our baby. So do me a favor? Send us some happy fingers-crossed thoughts, will ya'? We're ready to get this show on the road and meet our girl.



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