Hump Night (Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter)


Last night was Wednesday night and Joe went out for drinks after work so I was left with an evening to myself. This is what I did with it:

I had dinner for one. Or for one and a half. Typically, I use this opportunity when Joe is out with his boyzzz to eat a salad because my sweet hubby-to-be is of the meat and potato variety. However, while at the store, the lettuce wasn't so being so friendly and calling out to me the way that the mac and cheese from a box was. So I ate it. All of it. Read: the entire box.

I watched about forty-five minutes of Due Date and realized that I have a crush on Zach Galifianakis. Why is that? Please, someone tell me that my hormones are the root of this evil because, otherwise, it's just strange and completely disgusting. Sure he's funny, but beer bellies and white boy 'fros have never really been my thing. Why now? Yes. Most definitely hormones.

I watched thirty minutes of Oprah's New Chapter where she interviewed Chris Christie. During this thirty minute period, I realized that I actually like him. I've never really liked a republican politician before. This is big. But I'm blaming it on the fact that he looks like a teddy bear and I want to hug him.

I also watched about three hours of Marlo dancing in my belly. Probably due to the mac and cheese making less room for her. I never get tired of watching her dance or do mermaid flips in there. It makes me laugh. And I like to imagine entire conversations that she may be having with herself a la Look Who's Talking Also, I think she had hiccups. That, or she was tooting. The thought of her tooting and then looking around to see if anyone noticed keeps me laughing for at least five minutes.

When my knight in shining armor finally arrived home, I bombarded him with things that I want to do with the house and the nursery. This is a direct result of that nesting period that preggos are known to experience. I'm currently in the thick of it. However, I need to finally realize that Joe just doesn't really care. Ikat pillows or chevron? Reclaimed wooden barstools or linen wing back barstools? Seagrass wall paper or a vintage floral? This light grey paint or this other light grey paint for the living room? He doesn't give a frig' and really showcases his ability to zone out when I start mentioning things like lucite and cowhide.  I like to throw in how much things cost when I know that he's zoning out. It's what I call a tactical price reveal maneuver.

Finally, the three of us climbed into bed (he climbed, I rolled) and had a little family time. Marlo kicked on command (das a good girl!). I tossed and turned until I got comfortable which was never. Joe snored and slept like a baby. When I did finally fall asleep, I dreamed of giving birth to an Angora bunny which I wouldn't let anyone hold because she liked to bite. I also dreamed of climbing monkey bars and going to an all-you-can-eat buffet that served nothing but mac and cheese from a box. My brain is unsafe these days.

Hope your Wednesday night was simply delightful.



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