7

Where I first began to hate fell in love with Gwyneth.
Such a shame she had to be decapitated. And other than Snatch and Fight Club,
I think this is Mr. Pitt at his finest. And hottest.  

There are these little things called the Seven Deadly Sins: greed, anger, sloth, lust, envy, gluttony, and pride. It just occurred to me that I'm guilty of committing every single one. Oops.

Maybe it's just me, but, I feel that labeling such personality traits as so-called "deadly sins" might be a tad judgmental and over-dramatic; primarily because committing some of them can be so much fun. That argument probably doesn't stand up to the more religious folk; however, since this is my story, I'm sticking to it. Committing such behaviors probably doesn't do much to advance my chances of getting into heaven, either. Admittance has got to count for something, right? No? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?

Before anyone starts to wonder if I'm going to go all Kevin Spacey on you, relax. I'm not. At least not today. I'm just aware that occasionally, my emotions, my hunger, my passion, my inexplicable intolerance for morons, and my constant state of curiosity tend to get the best of me.

Greed: I want is something that I embarrassingly find myself saying quite often. The want of the day isn't typically a thing, though. It's usually along of the lines of having the last word, winning an argument, or staking my claim over the last bite of dessert or anything else I'm ravenously consuming. Anger: Cut me off in traffic or drive under the speed-limit. From zero to homicidal in 6.4 seconds. Sloth: Any given Sunday. A free Balenciaga hand-bag wouldn't even be enough to get me off of the couch and away from my Guinness. Lust: This doesn't really need to be explained, does it? I'm like Elizabeth Taylor, I'm ruled by my passions. So. Sue. Me. Envy: Every time I see a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, I literally become clinically depressed and have to remind myself that she really isn't that WASPy, thin, radiant, grammatically correct, married to Chris Martin, and best friends with Beyonce and Jay-Z in real life. It's all just air-brushing and lies. Gluttony: Fried food. Especially when you dip it some sort of mayonnaise-heavy dressing. Mayonnaise. On everything. Hot sauce. Probably why I have heart-burn like a 50-year-old man. Guinness. Give me 10. Dessert. Don't even bother attempting to steal the last bite. Your hand will be slapped. I'm not kidding. Wine. Give me the bottle, not a glass. Pride: I refuse to apologize for something when I didn't do anything wrong because I'm always right, except when I'm not and even then, I'll find something to argue that I'm right about.

Guilty as charged. I'm working on it....