Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I'm not like other people. -AB


"Your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone." 

I just got back from a quick trip visiting one of my best friends; she's one of three people whom I sprint to whenever I need sanity brought back into my life. She has a very sly way of making me feel as though I'm normal and not certifiably psychotic for thinking the things that I think on a daily basis. Occasionally, I beg to differ. 

That quote under the picture, the one about having an unsafe mind? I've concluded that it pretty much sums up my constant thought process. When I feel safe enough to say exactly what's on my mind- which is almost always- I tend to say things that beckon second thoughts and steely-eyed stares from the person/people I'm saying it to. I tend to get a lot of what the fuck? moments from my friends. There are only a select few people who know what to do with me, make of me, and who actually understand what I mean when I make outlandish and quote-worthy comments. 

I tend to say exactly what I'm thinking and I never hold back, even when I probably should. I'd rather regret saying how I feel then regret never saying anything at all. If a person can't handle hearing or reading what I have to say or write, well, then they can choose to not listen to me or to not read it. Some people are a walking punch-line and they make it even harder for me to keep my mouth shut. Does this get me into trouble? Absofuckinglutely. I sometimes wish I could hold back, not put it all out there on the table for everyone to see and judge. Maybe having a poker face could keep my feelings from being hurt as often as they are. Hell, maybe I just need to grow a pair and suck it up; that's a viable option, too. I'm told that when you put yourself and your feelings out there to someone, you're basically giving them the power to shit on them and you. 

Does this deter me? Of course not. Do I wish it did? Very much so. I wish the thought of being hurt kept me quiet and kept me from thinking and saying the things that I think and say. I wish the high probability of someone turning out to not be who you thought they were kept me from spilling my guts. Unfortunately, it never has and most likely never will. 

So I have accepted that unlike most people, I don't know how to be anything but honest with myself and with other people. I don't know how to pretend to not care. I don't know how to not care. I'm a 100 percent kind of person, no half-assness. I don't know how to turn my mind off or how to even turn it down a notch. I'm not like other people. 

I'm just thankful that there are a select few that want to put up with me and be a part of the shenanigans.  



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