Black and White


After listening to this song for the 2,387th time, I noticed this lyric:

"There is so much more in love, than black and white."

I've been a very lucky girl in the love department; not necessarily lucky in that I've had all of these fantastic relationships because I'll admit that I've come across quite a few douche bags and been a complete biatch to some. I consider myself a lucky girl because even if those relationships went from sugar to shit, I was able to walk away with having learned something important.

I also feel like the last year has been a crash-course in not only love, but subsequently in life. I've learned how to stop setting expectations for anyone but myself, when to acknowledge that someone may just be a crappy person and how to stop making excuses for them. Most importantly, I've learned that most things in life fall into the grey category.

We (read: I) want most things- like relationships- to be in really pretty, right-angled boxes. We want to have boundaries, rules, have our expectations always met, and lines to be drawn in the sand. That way, if anyone crosses those lines, doesn't meet those expectations, or breaks the rules that we set for ourselves, it'll be a cut and dry decision as to what to do. But unfortunately, life isn't black and white. Most of life is grey with fuzzy borders. Learning to deal with this has been quite difficult for me. But someone very special taught me that if you allow yourself to revel in the grey, unexpected things can happen for you. The grey is where you realize who you are and what you want or don't want. If you never cross those lines, if you never see what is outside of the box, what the hell are you learning? The simple answer is that you aren't learning anything; you're stagnant. For me, being stagnant and complacent is far scarier than having to live life unassumingly and deal with what might be thrown at you.

New Year's is around the corner (holy s!) and for most people, it's a time of self-reflection. 2010 has been hell but I'm so thankful for all of it. But out of everything that's happened, I'm most thankful for the people that teach me something new every day, even when the lesson is hard-learned.

For the person that taught me to love and live in the grey, I'm very thankful for you.


Anonymous said...

I <3 you and your grey :) <3 big


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