It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept...- Bill Watterson


(Photo Credit Garance Dore)

Oh how the universe has a way of equaling everything out. The universe/fate/whatever-you-want-to-call-it can be a fickle bitch on most occasions.

"They say best men are molded out of faults, and, for the most, 
become much more the better for being a little bad."
-William Shakespeare

Sometimes things happen in your life (childhood, adolescence, adulthood) and they completely shape who you are as a person- albeit consciously or subconsciously. In my life- as much as I despise admitting this- rather than a single event, a person whom I no longer have contact with has had a large role in shaping me into the person that I am today. 

Isn't it odd that a persons' deficit of certain characteristics or a truancy of relationship with said person can shape you more than some of the relationships that you actually have and cherish with people who have some of the most admirable and respectable qualities? Isn't that a tiny contradiction? So much of a contradiction that it can become an internal quarrel? Common sense tells us that presence and connection should outweigh absence and non-association in the effects of someone's meaningful relationships. Right? 

Maybe it's a bit of our pride that makes us bitter when we have to admit that someone that we so badly want to delete from our mental catalog of ever having existed or having imprinted anything on us, actually has a larger role in your life than some of the people that you pray never leave your Rolodex of confidants and loved ones. The universe is fucking with you. The universe is playing a very real, very cruel joke on you. Ha-ha. It makes no sense. It is a very intentional reminder by the universe that admittance is the ego-check for your conscious. 

I've come to realize (and maybe even believe) that the best revenge for the universe slapping you in the face with an ego-check is to just allow good to come from whatever was thrown at you. Unfortunately, I learned some very heavy and hard lessons very early in life from someone who shouldn't have been teaching me those lessons. It's unfortunate, not because I learned life-lessons that would've occurred at some point in my life anyway, but because of who was teaching me and what decisions I had to make as a result. I hate to admit that this person shaped me. I absolutely despise giving credit to someone who doesn't deserve it because I've turned out pretty okay. As a matter of fact, better than okay. I'm a decent, conscientious, driven, sane, and happy person and that isn't because of this person. It's all due to how I chose to look at what that person and the universe pummeled at me. So now, it's me that's playing a joke on the universe- bring it on. I'm ready. 



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