marlo update | 22 months & lessons in not raising an asshole



every mother and father i knew told me as a soon-to-be parent to soak up as much as i could. they told me that the days are long while the years are short. they told me when i was pregnant that once i had one stage figured out, you would immediately change it up and leave me stupified. seasoned parents warned me to not look too far into the future, to live in the present. once i actually felt like a seasoned enough parent, i said those exact things to other soon-to-be parents because, of course, the parents before me were absolutely right: it does go by far too quickly. i do figure one thing out as soon as you change it up on me. i do feel like i have no idea what i'm doing most days.
however, i don't tell parents to not worry about the future simply because i believe that not enough parents worry about the future, about the bigger picture of who their kid is becoming right in front of them. this is a double-edged sword, of course, because you can begin obsessing over worst-case scenarios that will probably never, ever occur. but, to future parents, i tell them: yes. please, please worry about the future. hell, i worry about your future to the point that i even annoy myself. the future is the one part of parenting that i worry the most about. i obsess over it because your bigger picture is what matters to me most.

i'm aware that i have no control over your future and i don't want to even begin to try. the only thing that i have control over is the example that i set for you in the hopes that you turn out to be a decent human being, prepared for whatever the world may unexpectedly throw at you somewhere down the road. part of this feat is tackled by surrounding you with good people because it absolutely does take a village.
as your mama, it's my job to provide an environment that surrounds you with the quality of people that i aspire to. these people make me a better person and, therefore, a better mama for you. can we agree that if allow assholes to infiltrate our daily lives, it's probably my fault if you turn out to be an asshole? with that in mind, i make it a point to only allow people into our lives who i trust implicitly, people who love you like you are their own kin, people who have our backs, and people who we'll do anything to support and protect. i only allow people into your life who possess the type of qualities which i admire: humility, grace, kindness, empathy, compassion.

one day, marlo, when you're older and you truly know just how much you're loved, you'll know without a doubt that it isn't just me and your dad who love you. you'll know that it isn't just the two of us who have shaped you into the person you'll one day become. this tribe has become our family and we're incredibly lucky to call them ours. i worry about the job that i'm doing every single day, but, the people whom surround us make me more and more sure that i'm doing something incredibly right in raising you.

i love you to the moon but further, mo.



Chelsea Mac said...

Could not have said it better myself! And seriously, that little girl of yours...she's too much, in all the best ways!

Unknown said...

Preach! I'm constantly looking at myself for Lily's behavior instead of asking what's wrong with her. I don't think some parents do it enough.

Heidi said...

So true. Authentic people seem to be sparse these days. Showing your daughter how to be a good judge of character is invaluable. I struggle with being a parent, feeling like I don't know what I am doing and worrying. I suppose it's healthy to some degree otherwise we would be foolish and thoughtless.


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