the 52 project | 05


"a picture of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."
i already posted a version of this picture on instagram yesterday. however, the truth is that this is what the majority of what our week looked like. between a cold, intense teething, your papa being back in school in the evenings and then traveling in portland for three days, your schedule was all thrown off, you (read: we) slept like hell, and you just weren't yourself. it'd be misleading to show a picture of you being all cute and silly because you were anything but this week. you were pitiful. you were hurting. you were sad. and it broke my mama heart into a lot of pieces. there wasn't much that seemed to bring you out of your funk other than being wrapped up close to me. i found myself torn between really loving and treasuring those moments where i was literally tied up with you and being insanely frustrated because i had a lot of other things to do this week. then i realized how much of a selfish asshole i was being.

so, i told everything else to fuck off and loved on you as much as i could. interestingly enough, after i threw in the towel on the stuff that really didn't matter, i realized just how much i needed that love and closeness, too.

it was a rough one for us both, i suppose. tell me... why is it that i forget that you are, indeed, still a baby- that you're still my baby.

maybe it's because on most days you are the most independent little broad i've ever been lucky to know. maybe it's due to the fact that i overestimate your ability to self-soothe. hell, maybe i even underestimate how much i still NEED you to be my baby. i just keep reminding myself that it was OUR rough week. i keep reminding myself that you are mine and i am yours to get through these rough times together- whether they be fleeting moments, incredibly long days, or incredibly torturous weeks. they are ours. knowing that you and i are in this together is worth everything to me, modine.

i love you, marlo. to the moon and further.

linking up with jodi.


Anonymous said...

Ok, first of all I just homemade granola as well-similar, but I didn't use coconut sugar. But I admit I also spent $8 on a bag yesterday. I was hungry! Secondly, my little one is sick as well. :( First time really, puking all morning. It's so painfully sad to watch. I have an email coming to you shortly...


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