five things | a few bones to pick with christmas


1. for starters, i find this whole elf on a shelf thing incredibly creepy. i also find it a bit fucked up that we are using said creepy and mysteriously moving elf to bribe our children to be well behaved in order to receive presents from santa. the entire thing just pisses me off.

2. we decided against a christmas tree this year because i have terrifying visions of marlo pushing it over and yelling, "uh-oh! mommy, uh-oh!" i am, however, going to stock up on ornaments and lights after christmas for next year. next year we are most certainly having a tree and it is going to be fabulous.

3. i need to confess that i haven't taken marlo to see santa. and here's why: every single photo i see of children and younger toddlers whose parents have taken them to see the ol' jolly fat guy showcase nothing but an extremely unpleasant experience for all persons involved. the poor kids look absolutely terrified and are typically screaming and the parents are cursing under their breath because they just waited two hours in a line at the mall for a picture of their screaming child who is now traumatized. i think i'll wait until marlo is old enough to verbally communicate to me that she would like to go see santa before i terrify her for a bloody photo op.

4. joe asked me what i wanted for christmas and so i made a list. he looked at said list and then proceeded to critique it via text. he asked me what i wanted for christmas and i told him. he is getting nothing but coal and a bottle of whiskey.

5. this will be the first year ever that we haven't been with family for the holidays. so, to celebrate christmas in the most appropriate and festive way possible, we're going to an orphan's christmas party at julie's where we will feast on tacos and drink tequila. because, let's be honest, nothing showcases the christmas spirit quite like mexican food and hard liquor.


Alicia said...

Exactly how I feel about that damn elf on the shelf bullshit. Thanks for putting that out there... and Mexican food and tequila sound like a perfect Christmas dinner. Happy holidays!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with your shelf elf and Santa sentiments. They're both creepy and inappropriate.
And your Christmas plans sound amazing. I'm a fan of staying close to home and celebrating with just a few good people - and good booze.

Andrea @ The Long Way Home said...

Ha! I thought I was the only one who was completely freaked out by the elf on the shelf. I read a list of ideas a few days ago and am convinced people have way too much time on their hands. There were things like 'destroy a feather pillow and scatter the feathers throughout the house to make it look like the elf had a pillow fight.' Um, feather pillows are expensive and who the hell is going to clean that up in the morning?! It seems like women everywhere have lost their minds. I have enough work to do without creating it myself by trying to entertain my kid. The bribe factor just doesn't sit well with me either. And I completely agree with you on Santa. People should be enjoying the fact that they don't have to go stand in the Santa line yet instead of subjecting thier kid to what they see as a creepy old dude.

emily said...

holy shit, woman. thank you. i had a friend that was like: "my mom gave my son a book about being good for santa and now he is SO well-behaved!" and i wanted to say: that is so fucked up. but i couldn't.

but it is. for real. that's a huge reason we are still debating wether we go the whole santa route at all. why give all the credit to some creepy imaginary man only to have to pull the rug out from under them when they should be old enough to know better? no thank you. i bought and wrapped those damn presents thankyouverymuch.

ss said...

two things: i want to crash your Christmas party so badly. Tacos and tequila are exactly the things I want this time of year. Also, I haven't taken Ramona to see Santa, either. It's super weird, and now that she's almost 4, she is kinda into it because she wants presents, but told me yesterday that she "thinks Santa is creepy."

We'll see how it goes.


Unknown said...

Mexican food and tequila sound like the perfect way to spend Christmas.


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