people who deserve it

6.20.2013

1. all of the women who keep saying that henry cavill (the new superman with the impeccably square jaw and perfectly coiffed hair) is the new ryan gosling. bitches. that's blasphemy. two words: noah calhoun. a man in blue tights has nothing on him. i don't care if he can fly or is made of metal. can he build a house with his own two hands? can he take me canoeing down a river with hundreds of swans? can he make out with me in a thunderstorm while lightening cracks all around us? no. he can. not. noah calhoun>clark kent. however, i do thoroughly enjoy clark kent's glasses.

2. so, i have never been a fan of yankee candle company. i'm a candle prude, if there is such a thing. i don't allow anything that even remotely resembles the smell of cookies, cake, vanilla, or flowers in my home and i tend to break out in hives by just walking across the threshold into their store. most recently, they came out with a line of candles aimed to please the olfactory perception of men. the scents that the company believes to please men? hold your breath... 'MMM, Bacon,' 'Man Town,' 'First Down,' 'Movie Night,' and 'Riding Mower.' i shit you not.

3. you know those people who you pass on the street- strangers- and tell you that you need to smile? yeah. i hate those people. seriously. who designated them the fucking happy police? i smile a lot, thankyouverymuch. i just so happen to be stuck behind three assholes smoking cigarettes directly in front of my kid and also taking up the entire sidewalk while walking at a snails pace. forgive me for my lack of obvious jolliness.

4. pretty girls with freckles. i don't like them. not one bit. you know why? because i'm insanely jealous of them. i dream of having cheeks and a nose covered in freckles. i think they are so pretty and just scream americana and ralph lauren ads circa 1992. what's interesting to me is that i used to despise and be so self-consious of the tiny array of freckles that littered my face and shoulders in the summertime. however, ever since i started bathing in sunscreen and living under wide-brimmed hats, they quickly faded away and are now only a very faint memory of what once was. i feel so inadequate in the freckle department.

5. this entire week. it's just been a gigantic bitch. however, a week at the beach spent with my family and good friends and their kids, eating great food and drinking a lot of wine is a mere nine days away. it's my silver lining.

2 comments:

Flora Amies said...

I hate Yankee Candles too. If I walk into the store it instantly makes my skin itchy - it smells so chemically and nasty.

But, Henry Cavill - don't think I like him as Superman but you should google him in The Tudors. Ho-ly-sm-okes.

Flora
www.twowithseven.blogspot.co.uk

Jenn Johns said...

So I just bought 6 Yankee candles today and thought immediately of you when I found out there was a bacon inspired candle, bahaha

 

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