this week


this week has done a number one me, and for once, i can't blame it on marlo's teeth or her generally high-maintenace temperament.

i've always believed that transparency is good for all parties involved and i also believe in honesty, with others and, most importantly, with myself. i've well documented my struggles with postpartum depression and the melee of hurdles that motherhood has presented to me and my family here on this little virtual personal space. if i'm anything, i'm very realistic about life and i pride myself on that. but this week took everything to an entirely different level. this week forced me to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

i despise being vague and i apologize for being so. it's not my thing. (i don't care for people whose thing IS vagueness.) but i unfortunately have to be ambiguous about the current predicament i find myself in because i don't quite understand it yet and i need some clarity first. i will say that i think the past six or seven days were my wake-up call; they were the blinding red 'stop and check engine' light.

what i've been doing to get by, to deal, and to cope, very simply is failing me. subsequently, it's failing my family and i can't have that.

my engine is in need of repair.

and when presented with the cold hard fact that something is broken, not only for you, but also for your family, you have a few options: 1) you can be an ostrich, put your head in the sand and pretend like nothing is happening around you. an 'if you can't see it, it's not there' kind of thing. 2) you can be keep up the status-quo and expect things to magically change on their own, which is not only unrealistic, but pure insanity. or 3) you can take control and be the leader of your own life. you can learn, grow, and try your damnedest to do your best.

i think you know what option i choose...



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