people who deserve it


a photo that has nothing to do with anything.
it's just my man making my baby fly through the air.
which makes it really damn cute.
1. us weekly, you deserve it. while my mom was visiting this weekend, we discussed how i have stopped buying this particular magazine or any other gossip magazine. (she was somewhat shocked because, admittedly, i was a devoted subscriber for a few years. somehow, reading about how famous people, who seemingly should have it all together, are train wrecks like the rest of us mere mortals made me feel better about myself, even if the story was undoubtedly untrue or exaggerated.) what changed my tune began about two year's when they had the audacity to put mtv's sixteen and pregnant girls on their cover. basically they were glorifying their predicament to other young and impressionable young women, like, 'hey, get pregnant in high school and you can be famous!' it was just tacky and really got under my skin. however, the real deal breaker came when they began to not only documenting kim kardashian's pregnancy weight gain, but began making a mockery of it, it just set me off. was a foul and absolutely disgusting display of journalism. worst of all, their bullying of her, made me actually like her, which might be the bigger crime. truly, they are fucking assholes.

2. the little four year old fucker at the playground who threw dirt in marlo's face for trying to play with his dump truck, you deserve it. some bigger kid and innate bully will undoubtedly give you yours, since apparently, your mother hasn't taught you to pick on kids your own size or to be nice to babies. karma, my teeny friend. karma.

3. the new kids on the block, you deserve it, too. i'm aware that my mark wahlberg obsession has been well documented and i'm have no intention of wavering from my obsession interest in the youngest wahlberg; however, i believe it needs stating that his movie selection has become questionable ever since the departed. but when did donny become so damn sexy? last i remember, he was the mentally ill and far-too-skinny man who killed bruce willis in the sixth sense. ps. my mind is still blown about that entire movie. but why do they deserve it, you ask? for a couple of reasons: one, donny makes me question who my favorite wahlberg is and that is just unacceptable. marky mark 'til i die! two, when are they going to realize that they are no longer the new kids on the block? they are men who have actually been around the block. probably more than once, too.

4. with the exclusion of my mother because that woman walks hella fast no matter where she's going, all of the tourists who decided to walk across the brooklyn bridge at the same time we did on saturday afternoon, you all deserve it. particularly so when you just stop suddenly in the middle of the walkway to take a selfie. yes, i'll admit it, the brooklyn bridge is beautiful and majestic. it's actually my favorite new york city landmark. it's particularly my favorite when the reward of walking the never-ending length of it is eating grimaldi's pizza. but that place is an anxiety attack waiting to happen for me. note to self: next time, take a xanax. (ps, mom, you now know how much i really love you.)

5. hey, mickey, you are walking a very thin line my friend. before i had marlo, i always told myself that we wouldn't do the tv or cartoons thing and we don't for the most part. the only time it's on is early in the morning and joe is watching cnbc while getting ready for work. but out of desperation during a  serious and impressive meltdown, i played the mickey mouse clubhouse on the ipad. after hearing that squeaky-voiced fucker just once, she was mesmerized. add the fact that marlo has a mama who is lyrical encyclopedia and can sing the entire theme song, it was all she wrote. miska! mooshka! mickeeey! mouse! we have watched the intro to that damn show at least three hundred times. a very thin line, mickey. the thinnest.



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