it's okay to buy yourself flowers


it's okay to buy yourself flowers just because. no, it's not my birthday or anniversary, nor have i done anything particularly worthy of receiving flowers. i simply bought them because as soon as i walked into the market, i was entranced by the overwhelming scent of lilac and then i got visually mesmerized by those beautiful pink peonies (such a cliche, i know). and then marlo spotted them and started pointing in her precious little way and it was all she wrote. they were speaking to me. they felt absolutely necessary. plus, my table needed accessorizing (i hate a lonely table top). what probably wasn't necessary was me telling the sweet man who was putting the bouquet together that they were for a friend so he would wrap them in pretty polka-dot paper and tie them with rustic raffia ribbon. 

it's also okay to struggle. it's also quite normal. no one has it all figured out. we wouldn't be growing if we already had it all figured out. it's okay (and i think very healthy) to be open with your struggles. i struggle with balance. how can i be the type of mother and wife that i want to be and still take care of my own personal needs which are in direct conflict with being that kind of mother and wife? i want more than anything to be the mom that takes her kid to the park and on adventures every single day. i want to be the kind of mom who doesn't lose her patience because her one year old just will not stop playing in the trash can and just poured a half-full carton of milk onto the kitchen floor. i also want to be the kind of wife who wants to cuddle at the end of every day and shaves her legs for the occasion (hell, who even showers every day) and who doesn't lash out at her husband because she's tired and frustrated.

however, i'm still me, the same woman who craves alone time, who yearns for mental clarity and quiet. i still have the fierce need to curl up under my covers- alone- at 8 pm on a particularly rough day. i have little patience for anything. marriage and motherhood doesn't make you some saint who becomes this instinctually selfless person, nor does it miraculously abolish your old approach to coping. you have to work at it every single day to find that balance, or, at least i do. being a wife, a mom, and a woman who is constantly evolving and thinking is a full-time job, full of learning curves, mistakes, trying your best, and sometimes failing miserably.

and all of it is okay.

it is totally okay.


Christie said...

"it's totally okay"

Yes, yes it is. Being not okay with it is when it't not okay--it makes live a life of regrets and might-have-beens instead of being the actual person who is the mother of our children. <3

Christie @ Everything to Someone

Christie said...

P.S. I buy flowers for myself all the time!



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