closing up shop

*a fair warning: there is a picture of me nursing marlo in this post. if you are afraid of boobs or if boobs offend you, you should probably stop reading here. everyone is entitled to their opinion (including me) on nursing in public and i by no means am trying to spur any argument about that. i was in the privacy of my own home when this photo was taken. this post is very simply about my experience with nursing and seeing as how a lot of mothers, mothers-to-be, and hopeful-mamas-to-be read my blog, this is for them. **oh, and pops, please don't cringe when you see this photo. i gave you fair warning. 


breastfeeding is beautiful. that's it. it isn't sexual or taboo. it isn't strange or weird. it's beautiful. and it's undoubtedly amazing. think about it, a woman's body is not only designed to grow a healthy baby and birth him or her, but it's built to keep that beautiful baby girl or boy alive with it's own brand of milk, made especially for the needs of your baby. how insane is that?

sadly, the milk machines have closed up shop. she has been boob-free for over almost two weeks now and the reality is starting to set in that that part of our mother-child relationship has changed forever. we are now on to another stage, a bigger-girl stage, full of toddling and stubbor-ness and even a little sass. i love this new stage but i'm also very sad to see this past one go.

today, i began to miss nursing. nursing has been such a sentimental and intensely demanding relationship. i won't lie, the first month was not easy. it was painful and my boobs were just these ridiculously huge and hard rocks and my god she ate every two hours. and a growth spurt? the bed had an outline of my ass in it because she nursed for twelve hours straight. intense, right? but i had a loving and supportive husband and family who encouraged me to stick with it. very quickly, it became the easiest thing in the world for both of us, marlo and me. feeding time became that time during the day when both m and i felt the most comfortable and peaceful.

marlo, ten weeks, doing what ten week old babies do.
and mama, trying to stay awake to soak up the beauty.

i have so many photos of marlo nursing. i have taken photos of the particular way that she crossed her ankles when she nursed. i have taken photos of her laying her arm across my chest while she nurses and sleeps. i have taken photos of the smile of contentment on my face knowing that my girl and i were a team and did this together and that we did it really well. i have countless photos of her completely goofy-grinned and milk drunk after a good long feed. that milk drunk smile was the absolute best.

i miss my little baby. i miss those cuddles. but this much bigger baby of mine steals more and more of my heart every day and for that, i'm so so grateful.

marlo, you are my absolute favorite person and i try every day to show you just how much i love you. forever and always, sweet baby girl.